OK, I know this is technically OT, but…he's not going to stop competing with you. It's life. Maybe it's time to try Old School. Change the game so you either control the field, or you walk on the field side-by-side, i.e., equally inept.
Take him fly fishing - no tech allowed (except in your own pocket for
emergency contact). Doesn't matter if you don't know how, don't like fishing, don't want to mess with slimy fish, stinks outdoors, whatever. It's about connection. A local fly fishing trip, even if the location is within an hour of home, is good for a solid 3- to 4-hours off tech together. Learning how is another bunch of hours, Buying the right stuff, more hours. Hours is what it's all about. And fly fishing fixes the whole "doing nothing but waiting" thing as it's inherently active and totally challenging. He may complain — vociferously — but privately and with whatever buddies he has, he'll be king, "The Man". No, it won't "fix" the instant issue, but it may very well lead to a closer relationship and cooperation in things tech vs. competition. Eventually his fascination with tech is simply going to outrun your available time and resources to combat the problem; he needs to be "on
your side" before that happens so the problem never becomes newsworthy serious.
Just a thought.
@Maverick009's suggestion for pfSense or OPNsense coupled with
@Tech9's caveat re: the UI for pfSense and your comment about needing it to be easily maintainable by your wife, it sure sounds like OPNsense would be a very workable solution for the time being. Here are a couple of pseudo-reviews if you're interested:
https://www.peerspot.com/products/opnsense-reviews#pricing
Sky
P.S. If I've over-stepped, mea culpa.